Passage one

Too many vulnerable child-free adults are being ruthlessly(無情的)manipulated into parent-hood by their parents , who think that happiness among older people depends on having a grand-child to spoil. We need an organization to help beat down the persistent campaigns of grandchildless parents. It’s time to establish Planned Grandparenthood, which would have many global and local benefits.

Part of its mission would be to promote the risks and realities associated with being a grandparent. The staff would include depressed grandparents who would explain how grandkids break lamps, bite, scream and kick. Others would detail how an hour of baby-sitting often turns into a crying marathon. More grandparents would testify that they had to pay for their grandchild’s expensive college education.

Planned grandparenthood’s carefully written literature would detail all the joys of life grand-child-free a calm living room, extra money for luxuries during the golden years, etc. Potential grandparents would be reminded that, without grandchildren around, it’s possible to have a conversation with your kids, who----incidentally-----would have more time for their own parents .

Meanwhile, most children are vulnerable to the enormous influence exerted by grandchildless parents aiming to persuade their kids to produce children . They will take a call from a persistent parent, even if they’re loaded with works. In addition, some parents make handsome money offers payable upon the grandchild’s birth. Sometimes these gifts not only cover expenses associated with the infant’s birth, but extras, too, like a vacation. In any case, cash gifts can weaken the resolve of even the noblest person.

At Planned Grandparenthood, children targeted by their parents to reproduce could obtain non-biased information about the insanity of having their own kids. The catastrophic psychological and economic costs of childbearing would be emphasized. The symptoms of morning sickness would be listed and horrors of childbirth pictured. A monthly newsletter would contain stories about overwhelmed parents and offer guidance on how childless adults can respond to the different lobbying tactics that would-be grandparents employ.

When I think about all the problems of our overpopulated world and look at our boy grabbing at the lamp by the sofa, I wish I could have turned to Planned Grandparenthood when my parents were putting the grandchild squeeze on me.

If I could have, I might not be in this parenthood predicament( 窘境) . But here’s the crazy irony, I don’t want my child-free life back . Dylan’s too much fun.