Relationships

　　Let me start with one of the most fundamental aspects of human relationships. For each and every thing you want to achieve in life---whether it’s landing a job, earning a raise or promotion or finding that lifelong romance---there will be at least one person on the other end deciding whether or give you or help you get what you want. Everything we do can only be accomplished through and with other people. Simply put, of any kind, requires relationships. Just think of the words of Margaret Wheatley: Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that go it alone.

　　If this is the way the universe works, you can see why human relationships and human networks are so important.

　　The most common mistake people make when building relationships for their career success is treating business contacts differently than personal friends. Aren’t they always forgiving when you slip up and more helpful when you’re in need? Of course! I guarantee your work will become easier and more joyful if you make more of your business relationships personal.

　　How to do it? The same way you make genuine friends. Build trust through intimacy; show them that besides being professional, you’re also human. Skip the small talk and go deep into what really matters---your dreams or fears, your children or the business issues that keep you up at night. And don’t think for a moment that they’ll think less of you. In fact, usually the opposite happens.

　　When I tell people about humble beginnings---I grew up a country boy in rural, southwestern Pennsylvania, the son of an often-unemployed steelworker and a cleaning lady---and how it took me so long to overcome my insecurities of being poor and being picked on by kids from ore well-to-do families, people don’t think less of me. They immediately empathize (感同身受)and feel more endeared to me than ever before. All you have to do is let your guard down and show enough vulnerability to make others comfortable with opening up to you.

　　Also, don’t stop with treating business friends like you treat personal friends. Mix them, too. Invite business contacts to your home and introduce them to your family. Invite a client out to dinner along with an old pal from school and your significant other or a date. Don’t compartmentalize you personal, professional and community lives. Blur the boundaries! You’ll have more fun and do more for all three parts of your life in less time.

　　Planning

　　The more specific you are about what you want to do, the easier it becomes to develop a strategy to accomplish it. Part of that strategy, of course, will be establishing relationships with the people in your universe who can help you get where you’re going. So, first, do some deep introspection(自省)to find your Blue Flame, the thing in life that really lights your fire. Write, pray, whatever you need to do clear you head and figure this stuff out. I enjoy great results from Vipassana meditation.

　　Once you’ve found your Blue Flame, it’s time to have a RAP, or a Relationship Action Plan. Here’s a simple way to get started. Write down your goals and the names and types of people who can help you achieve them. Then, note how you can reach those people and how you can contribute to their success, also. The more specific a plan you have and the more you put your goals out to others, the more everyone will aspire to help you achieve your dreams. On the other hand, if you don’t know what you want or you don’t tell anyone, no one can help you. They can’t read your mind.

　　I can’t tell you how many times a friend has called me and said, “Keith, I just became unemployed. I need to start networking; will you teach me how? My answer: “No. No.No. You need to start job-hunting! You should have been building relationships for the past 5 or 10 years, so now that you need a job, you could make 20 calls and have 5 job offers waiting for you in a week.”